My ex is out of town for a family wedding. He called me this morning to tell me he received a text from the executive secretary in our ward. Apparently our bishop wants to meet with me tomorrow at noon. I'm guessing it's not to offer me a calling.
I won't lie, I'm scared to death! I am feeling a heckuva lot of things. I'm certain this is the beginning of the process that will lead to my eventual excommunication. I don't want that, yet that confuses me. I'm pretty sure it has to do with my fear of rejection. Even though I've had mixed feelings regarding the church for the past 1 1/2 years, I love the gospel with all my heart. I feel very strongly that I no longer want to be controlled by the leaders of the church. I love them and understand that it's their duty, but I don't believe I want to be that kind of member anymore. I want to attend my weekly meetings and experience as much spirituality as I can.
At this point in time I believe that my repentance process is between me and the Lord. I will continue to do the things that will bring me closer to Him because that is what I truly desire. I will meet with my bishop tomorrow to find out what he'd like to talk about, but I'm not sure that I'll answer his questions. I guess we'll see how it goes.