My girlfriend has cancer. She was diagnosed with stage one skin cancer about a month ago. Stage one = YAY! Cancer = BOO! I had all sorts of thoughts when she told me she was having moles checked (oh no, what if??). And even more thoughts when then took a biopsy (crap!). I'm quite eloquent, you see. Then we got the news that the lab decided to send it back east to another lab for more testing and hopefully she'd hear some news before the beginning of the year (seriously? what does this mean?? can't be good news). She has access to her medical records online and found a report that explained it all, in a language I didn't understand even when she dumbed it down for me. What it boiled down to was the fact that she was to have another appointment with a dermatologist that would cut out a large portion of surrounding tissue...that happened just this morning. For one tiny little mole, the incision was quite a doozy, being more than an inch long. I suppose it's better to take more than you need in this case.
All this time I didn't share my thoughts/feelings because when I get scared, I silently crumble within.
Yes, it's stage one. I've been Googling like a mad woman for the past month, trying to get a good understanding of what it's all about. With my limited understanding, it'll be just fine. As far as cancer goes, it's good. The survival rate is astounding. But still... it's CANCER. And cancer sucks.
I hear words of encouragement from her that tell me her own mother survived SEVEN cancers. Holy Fish, are you kidding me?!? And that she herself has survived another form of cancer. Things seem to be positive all around. But still.... Cancer.
What I know is this: even though I've not known her for very long and have only loved her for a little over two months, I never want to experience the rest of my life without her. My heart has opened up more wide than before and somehow hearing news like "I have cancer" makes you want to hold the one you love even closer. One of her fears, because of previous experiences, is that things will be too hard and people will leave her. Although I recognize how deep such fears can run, it seemed like the most absurd thing I had ever heard when she said it in reference to ME... because throughout it all I've been wanting to bring her closer to me, to support her, to be what she needs, to enjoy every moment, and to love her fully. Never once would I dream of walking away.
I loved her before "Stage One Skin Cancer" but things like that seem to bring a greater perspective. This situation (us = loving each other, me = married, her = waiting patiently) is definitely not ideal, but it is what it is. We work through the hard things together and we learn and grow along the way. I guess the stupid, ugly C word is just one of those "hard things." Hard, yes, yet it's still so easy to love her.
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