Wednesday, May 23, 2012

We Told Our Boys About Kim

Tonight was the night, I just knew it. I've been feeling like it's time to talk to our boys and to have it all out in the open once and for all. ExHubby and I sat on my bed with the boys (our girl didn't want to be involved in another "awkward" discussion) and had a really good chat.

Me:  You know how I mentioned that Dad is going on a date on Friday night?
Them:  Yeah.
Me:  Well, he's going to be doing that in the future, possibly a lot. I will be dating too.
Them:  Okay.
Me:  Dad will get to meet new women and make new friends, and hopefully one day he'll find a girlfriend.
Them:  Yeah.
Me:  I will be dating too.
Them:  Okay.
Me:  I'll be dating Kim.
Them:  Okay.
Me:  She's my girlfriend.
14 year old:  Yeah. I figured.
9 year old:  Me too.
Me:  I thought you might. You're smart boys.
14:  You've been spending a LOT of time with her lately, and I knew there was something but I just couldn't put my finger on it. (He was smiling the whole time, pretty proud of himself for figuring it out).
Me:  Well, I love her and she loves me. She bought me this ring and I bought her one as well. It means that we are girlfriends and that we'll be together for a very long time.
Them:  Cool! Let me see it! (They both tried it on, and the ExH checked it out too, all commenting on how nice it was).
Me:  Do you have any questions or do you want to say anything?
Them:  No. Not really.

Me:  Well, everything will be the same as it has been only you might see us holding hands, or hugging, and maybe even kissing sometimes. We do kiss but not usually in front of people, so you might not see it.
Them:  Okay. (14 made a kissy face and they both giggled).
Me:  Now that you kids know about my relationship with Kim, we're not going to hide it anymore. If I want to walk down the street holding her hand, I will. Of course we'll still be private - we won't stand in front of the neighbor's house kissing, but I'm not hiding anymore.
Them:  Okay.

(I told them everyone who knows about Kim and that now that word is out people might start talking about it. I warned them that people may start rumors or might say mean things and that they should tell me immediately if that starts happening. I reminded them that I will be private, but I'm also no longer going to hide myself. They seemed to understand).

Me:  Another thing you might want to be aware of is that I'm probably going to be excommunicated again, because Kim is my girlfriend.
14:  Yeah, I heard you talking about that the other day.
9:  What does that mean?
Me:  It means the church is kicking me out again. Do you remember when I was baptized a few years ago? It's because I had been ex'd and wanted to be a member again.
9:  Yeah, I remember. So you'd have to be baptized again some day?
Me:  Only if I decided to be a part of the church again.
Them:  Okay.
14:  You know? The Church has a really good heart. I think they love everyone but some of the things they do are wrong. Like with gay and lesbian people. If they want a boyfriend or girlfriend they should be able to, but the church doesn't let them. I think that's wrong and I don't think they should judge people. Love is love.
9:  Yeah, they shouldn't judge.
Me:  I agree. I love you both for feeling that way and for believing that people should have a right to love the person they love. Do you have any other questions or comments?
9:  Can I have my turn on the tv? We only have 30 minutes left.
Me:  Sure. I love you both. (And out they went).

My heart is so full tonight. I realize that I'm in a very good place. The one thing I've desired this entire time is for my children to be aware of what is happening in our family. The rest of the world doesn't much matter when it comes down to it, but I've wanted to be open with my kids. We communicate very well as a family and they have been exceptional in dealing with all of this. I'm not crazy - I'm sure there are bound to be difficult moments - but I'm positive we'll all make it through.

It's a tremendous feeling to be able to be FREE! This is honestly the first time in my life when I've felt that it's 100% acceptable to live my life as ME. I'm breathing easier. I'm giddy. I'm anxious to hold Kim's hand in a movie theater next to my kids, or walking down the sidewalk. I'm happy at the thought of not having to remain hidden in some aspect. The load has lifted in an amazing way and my heart is so full, yet so light.

I'm ME, world. I'm finally me.


Justin said...

This conversation is awesome. Thanks for sharing. Congratulations to you and your family. You reminded me just how accepting kids can be.

Jessica said...


Blythe Wooten McCuistion said...

Your kids sound amazing. This is super nosey of me, but does your support this? Does he think "love is love"? I always worry when I don't agree with something in the church my husband might teach my kids that "mommy is confused" or "mommy is wrong," which would, needless to say, piss me off. I am so glad your boys do!

Trev said...

Awww. I'm so happy for you! What a great family you are blessed with.

FindingMyWay said...

Thank you all so much! This is a happy time indeed.

Blythe - I'm assuming you asked if my husband supports this? If so, then absolutely! He's my number one cheerleader. He is understanding and accepting of me and has been right by my side the entire time. We made all decisions together and didn't move forward with any step until BOTH of us were ready. It was very important to us to do it that way. He teaches our kids the same thing that I teach them, because we're a team as co-parents. There isn't really anything we disagree about. I am very lucky in this aspect, as many people don't have that luxury. I count my blessings every day that I've been blessed with such amazing people in my life who love me.

InItsGrip said...

Your 14 year old son sounds so wise for his age. LOVED his views on the Church's "good heart...but some of the things they do are wrong."

You have an amazing family and it makes me so happy for you, and hopeful for my future as well.

FindingMyWay said...

Thank you so much, Grip. I do have an amazing family and I thank the Lord every day for them. I'm glad it brings you hope... that's why I have this blog. Sharing our stories will help other people, I just know it. Good luck to you.

Sonja said...

Your kids are amazing. Must be credit to their parents! :D I was never that mature at 14.
I'm sorry you've been having such a struggle with the people in the church. It's one of the reasons why I'm pretty quiet about these and similar issues with most Church people. But my Bishop called me in for saying something about IDAHO, and asked me ... of course I could not say no, especially to my Bishop. We ended having an OK conversation (better than I expected, at any rate), but I was so angry at being forced to tell him.
I hope your church leaders improve in their "dealings" with you.
(BTW, thank you for writing this blog!)