Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I Have a Stalker

Please know of the seriousness of this situation.

I met a woman through this blog in December. We corresponded for five days. During that time I became excited and thought I had feelings for her immediately. I was caught up in the moment and allowed myself to say things I shouldn't have said because I am married. I was honest with her from day one about my marriage and my desire to do the best for everyone involved in the situation. I was honest with my husband and asked his permission to flirt with her. He agreed. She and I became sexual in our conversations. I thought I meant everything that I said to her, but I didn't know her. How could I? On the fifth day I couldn't continue because it wasn't fair to any of us. I shared an apologetic letter with her and told her of my regrets. I told her that it needed to end.

This is where things became ugly. She posted on her blog a very one-sided story of our correspondence. She claimed to be "in love" with me and told everyone that I had pretty much destroyed her. She named my blog, she shared my name and initials. She has done everything she can to ruin the name I have made for myself. It became too much for me and I had my friend help me write a letter to her that requested she stop all contact, in any form, with me or else I'd contact the authorities. She has continued to make comments on my blog telling me of her undying love for me, saying that she wants us to be together...this after defaming my character on her own blog multiple times. I have not one time responded to her. I have no desire to stoke the fire. I do have copies of her antics and am prepared to use them if necessary, with the proper authorties that is. I will not be controlled. She will not back me into a corner!

I was forced yet again to warn her to stop. My friend wrote her own letter telling her to back off because I didn't want to have ANY contact with her. She thrives on contact, good or bad, and I refuse to play her games. Once again she has become angry and volatile. I am actually scared for myself and my family, yet again. How am I supposed to know where she has drawn her line? If she "loves" me, how could she flame me publicly in a consistent manner? How can she tell only one side? She will share with you our personal and private emails to each other. I have no doubt that she'll leave out the words she said to me in return. I have no doubt that she'll leave out the part where she threatened me. She'll leave out the part where she spied on me. She'll leave out the part about discovering my family blog and my husband's. She has capabilities that are frightening. I am scared to open my door for fear that she'll be on my doorstep. I have reason to believe she's been to my house on at least one occasion. If she "outs" me publicly on her blog and shares private conversations with all of you in the blogosphere, how can I trust that she won't step over those other boundaries and cause me physical harm? Or my children?

I believe we need to follow our instincts. If something doesn't feel "quite right" then by all means go with it!! I should have trusted my gut in those first couple of days. Even then it only took me 5 days to discontinue our correspondence. She will have you believe the "relationship" lasted quite a bit longer. The fact of the matter is she is wishy-washy at best. Sometimes she'll allow comments on her blog, sometimes she won't. Sometimes she'll have a bunch of posts, sometimes she'll remove every single one of them. Sometimes she will post hateful and derogatory posts, naming people by name, only to pull the post and apologize profusely. She will make comments on people's blogs and then remove them time and time again. She has multiple profiles on blogger and will pretend to be someone new...even writing differently and spelling incorrectly, when normally she's all about proper grammar. She is not trustworthy to put it mildly...inconsistent at best. When you deal with get exactly that...ME. I share my heart and feelings and continue to be accurate in my portrayal of my family and my struggle reconciling everything in my life. Read through my posts. It's all there. Even my brief run in with "her."

Because I am fully aware of my stalker and her threats, I am making my blog private within a couple of days. It will happen once enough of you have had the chance to read this warning. If you have a desire to remain a part of my journey, first of all THANK YOU, and secondly, leave me your email address. Please understand that if I'm not completely positive that you aren't who you say....I will not accept your email address. I'm sure you understand.

I do appreciate those of you who have shown support and have shared your experiences and feelings with me. This MoHo community should be a safe place for all of us to work out our issues and to relate to each other. We have enough obstacles in our way without the pesky stalker! Geez. I find much value in your stories. Please understand the situation I have found myself in and forgive me for closing down. I'm not going to lie...I'm quite pissed!! But now I'm moving on. Moving forward.

Be careful who you trust. Just because it feels new and exciting does NOT mean that it's worth your time. We're not immune in this community from being terrorized by stalkers. Be safe my friends.


Anonymous said...

I am so sorry that this happened to you. I've been stalked by some crazy nut-jobs in the past myself. I hope everything works out for you and that she will leave you alone. There's nothing worse than feeling unsafe, and always having to look over your shoulder. I would very much like to continue to read your blog, so if you would like to add me my email is: Wishing you the best!

Horizon said...

I would love continue reading. I am Horizon from and I also help administer the MoHo Directory and MoHo Map. My email is movinghorizons1(at)gmail (not exact so the spammers don't get it).

Through everything, I still support you and would love to hear of you finding your way.

FindingMyWay said...

Thanks Mimi and Horizon! I am actually considering staying public. Why do I want her to win? I don't. I can continue to be myself and accept/give support when I can. I may change my mind again and if so I will definitely add your names to my private blog. Thanks much!!

Nikki said...

I am proud of you for deciding to stay public. As scary and crappy as all of this has been, it isn't worth it to let someone else control you. I know that you are public with this blog because you want people to give you perspective and get opinions about the things you post. I, for one, think it would only hurt you to go private.

I would imagine that the MoHo world is thankful for your honesty and you may have saved someone else from making the same mistake you did. It really is a shame that lack of experience and a good heart makes you easy prey for that type of person but now you know. Perhaps someone else will think of this if they find themselves in a similar situation, and they can avoid the hassle you have had to endure. You just never know.

Jen said...

I'm so sorry!! I'm really glad you are still here. That breaks my heart that you are going through that...

(If you ever decide to go public, please include me??) everettelyse(at)

jen said...

dammit. I just did what your stalker does. I also have two blogger profiles... the one that follows family blogs, and the one that follows everyone else. And I posted with the wrong profile.

oops! I was just so excited that you were back!

FindingMyWay said...

@Nik -
I agree that it wouldn't be good for me to go private. The reason I posted about my blogger was to protect people from the potential of "her" in the future. If it doesn't feel quite right then STAY AWAY!!!

@Jen -
I'm glad you're excited that I'm still around. I'll be sure to keep your email just in case...but I think I'm keeping it private. No worries about the two profiles. Seriously. We all do it. Some of us do it to separate two parts of our lives, in her case she's doing it to be sneaky and malicious. There's quite a big difference.

Here's to being public!! Yee-HAW!!! (I know you know that language Jen, you horse rider you!)

Nikki said...

FMW, I just wanted to publicly tell you to hold your head high and stand your ground. Remember that there are people who know her name and can bear witness if she tries anything. There are also those of us who have seen the proof and know the real story of just how unstable she is.

Still very proud of you and your strength through all of this CRAP!

Neal said...

I want to stay a part of the family! :)

You can get my e-mail address from my Blog...

FindingMyWay said...

RN - you will ALWAYS be a part of the family. You were the first and I love you so much!!